It’s that time to deck the halls... again, when Mariah Carey appears in your Spotify playlist.
“Mariah’s voice represents the spirit of Christmas - high-pitched, relentless, and impossible to escape,” said Coles spokesperson Brett Hamilton. “We’re proud to create an immersive sensory experience that says: ‘You’re not leaving until you’ve bought at least one pavlova base.’”
“It’s like water torture, but with sleigh bells,” said local shopper Tracey Donnellan, clutching a trolley full of mince pies. “I used to like her. Now I hear that whistle note and I want to punch an elf.”
One shopper reportedly abandoned her trolley mid-aisle, mumbling, ‘She’s inside my brain now!’
At press time, Woolworths was reportedly testing a counter-program of Wham! and Michael Bublé.
