In a desperate bid to clear its calendar and balance a severely bleeding state budget, the Victorian government has offered the city of Glasgow an extra $100 million if they agree to take the AFL Grand Final off their hands, too.
The audacious pitch follows Victoria paying the Scottish city to salvage the 2026 Commonwealth Games.
"We looked at the numbers, and honestly, it just made more sense to hand over Victoria's sporting culture to a city over 11,000 kilometres away," said Jacinta from Bendigo, speaking from outside the MCG. "Glasgow's got the weather for it — constant drizzle and a hostile atmosphere."
The decision to consider transferring the state's prominent sporting event comes shortly before the November state election. With Victoria’s gross state debt nearing $215 billion, the premier reportedly wants to show fiscal responsibility by removing the Grand Final from the budget.
"By discontinuing the Grand Final parade and extra train services, we could allocate resources to three more level crossing removals."
Under the proposed agreement, Glasgow would receive permanent hosting rights to the Grand Final, a complimentary MCG turf sample and naming rights to at least one Melbourne tram route.
Lifelong Tigers supporter Dean Petrusic expressed indifference, stating, "We are in the third year of a 10-year rebuilding program."
"If they are interested, they are welcome to it. I hope they appreciate the experience of waiting in line for a $14 dim sim," Petrusic said.
Glasgow City Council has not yet responded to the offer. However, sources indicate that councillors are "excited" by the proposal to include a member of the public to explain the rules of the game.
According to the premier's office, the next phase of negotiations may involve offering to relocate the Boxing Day Test, the Melbourne Cup and, if discussions do not progress, potentially the city of Melbourne itself.
