Still visibly sweating despite the brisk Central Victorian autumn, long-serving Labor MP Lisa Chesters has emerged from the electoral bloodbath gasping, “holy shit, that was close,” after clinging to victory in the most nail-biting Bendigo showdown since someone tried ordering a soy latte at the Huntly pub.
"I nearly had to get a real job," adds the shaken MP.
The count saw Chesters narrowly fend off political newcomer and professional first-time candidate Andrew Lethlean.
Chesters retained her seat by a margin slimmer than a Spring Gully resident's tolerance for cyclists.
The Nationals' Andrew Lethlean told The Bendigo Standard, "I gave it a red-hot crack. We really thought appealing to people who already owned three utes would work, but yeah, nah."
Meanwhile, the Liberal Party candidate—whose name nobody remembers—has already accepted a job at a think tank dedicated to abolishing think tanks.
Locals say the contest reignited interest in federal politics, with voter turnout up 3% thanks to a rumour that a sausage sizzle would be handing out free vape refills with every ballot.
When asked what's next, she said, "I'm just relieved I don't have to go on The Project to explain what went wrong. That's Andrew's problem now."
