In a rare display of civic unity not seen since the mosque protests, locals have put aside their differences to collectively loathe Greg Cantz, whose walking pace reportedly matches that of a turtle on Zoloft.
Shoppers said they have been forced to employ tactical maneuvers to get past Cantz, including shoulder bumps and moves “possibly seen in a John Wick movie.”
“This is how fast I walk. I’m looking at stuff. I’m not a tram — go around!” Cantz said.
“He keeps stopping in front of me. Is it just me, or is he buffering?” asked one frustrated shopper.
Locals fed up with Cantz’s slow stride have launched a #HurryUpGreg social media campaign.
“He has brought this city together more than the Easter Fair or the Red Hot Summer Tour ever could,” a shopper told The Bendigo Standard.
The City of Greater Bendigo announced it will host a rally to celebrate the community’s newfound unity in hatred for Cantz — a level of togetherness not seen since the 2016 anti-mosque protest, officials said.
