A groundbreaking new study from the University of Central Victoria has confirmed what every child of a regional dad has known for decades: unless there’s a new car to pick up or a footy match to attend, your old man is not getting on the Calder.
Lead researcher Dr Karen Stokes said the results were “both predictable and deeply depressing.”
“We offered participants dozens of hypothetical reasons to visit Melbourne - concerts, art exhibitions, weddings, the birth of a grandchild, and none of them ranked higher than ‘picking up a second-hand Everest from some bloke in Dandenong,’” Stokes explained.
Dr Stokes also found that the one dad who did make the trip was only there because he “had to pick up a second-hand Hilux canopy off Marketplace,” and even then refused to stop for coffee, claiming it “costs nine bucks.”
When asked if there were any exceptions to the rule, one dad admitted he’d once driven to Melbourne for his daughter’s graduation before adding that he “made a day of it” by checking out a Commodore in Footscray on the way home.
More to come.
