The Prince of Darkness has commented on the heatwave in southeast Australia, saying the weather in regional Victoria is "a bit much, even for me."
"I popped up to have a look and immediately went back," he said. "Forty-two degrees? That's too much. I support suffering, but there are limits."
"I'm not saying it's worse than Hell," Satan said. "But it's close."
Residents have reported steering wheels causing third-degree burns and thongs leaving crime scene outlines on footpaths.
A woman in Eaglehawk opened her oven and found it was actually cooler inside than it was in her house.
"I thought it was broken," she said. "It was just 12 degrees cooler than my kitchen."
Local shopping centres have become unofficial refugee camps, with hundreds of residents wandering aimlessly through air-conditioned food courts. Security guards have reportedly stopped asking questions.
Frozen Coke sales have jumped by 800 per cent. One local ice cube lasted only four seconds before melting completely. It died a hero.
The power grid is reportedly "hanging in there, I guess," which officials say is the electrical infrastructure equivalent of the Terminator's thumbs-up at the end of Terminator 2.
At press time, the sun said it would ease up by Saturday, but added: "No promises though."
"We have standards," a Hell spokesperson confirmed.
