The famous Phillip Island Penguins have issued a formal statement confirming they have "absolutely no idea" what an Adelaide is and remain unconvinced it exists.
The announcement follows MotoGP's decision to move the Australian Grand Prix from Phillip Island to Adelaide.
"What is it?" asked colony spokesperson Kevin. "We tried looking it up online, but found nothing."
Of course, penguins can't actually use Google.
The colony, which has coexisted with the MotoGP event since 1997, wondered why the race would move to a place that, as far as they can tell, doesn't appear on any map they have access to.
"We know Melbourne," said spokespenguin Brenda. "We've heard of Sydney. There's a place called Brisbane, too. But Adelaide? That sounds made up. Like Narnia or Canberra."
When shown a map of Australia with Adelaide marked, the penguins stared for several minutes before concluding it was "photoshopped."
MotoGP officials have attempted to reassure the penguin colony that the decision was based on commercial factors, including better European TV timeslots, increased government funding, and the chance of a night race.
None of those words made any sense to the penguins.
"We have a night race every day," said Kevin. "It's called walking up the beach after sunset. Thousands of tourists watch us, and we never charge a cent."
"Maybe we should start charging," he added.
South Australian Premier Peter Malinauskas said he was "thrilled" to welcome MotoGP to Adelaide and dismissed concerns from the penguin community.
"I don't think the penguins fully understand the economic opportunity here," he told The Bendigo Standard. "Adelaide is a world-class city with world-class infrastructure."
The penguins had no idea who he was.
"Is he from Adelaide?" Brenda asked. "That would explain why we've never seen him."
Two-time MotoGP world champion Casey Stoner called losing Phillip Island "a punch to the heart." The penguins agreed, though they were unclear on who he was.
"Is he a penguin?" Kevin asked.
"We liked the bikes," said elder penguin Margaret, staring at the ocean. "They were loud and scared the seagulls. Now we'll have nothing. Just us, walking in silence."
At press time, the penguins had submitted a formal complaint demanding proof of Adelaide's existence, including satellite photos, verified letters, and at least one recognisable landmark.
"The Giant Koala doesn't count," Kevin added. "Anyone can build a big koala."
