Mum has once again demonstrated her Olympic-level ability to shout the names of every single child in the family before eventually stumbling on yours, sparking calls for urgent government intervention.
The incident occurred last night when Mum allegedly bellowed, “John! Sarah! Emily! Tom! Dog! Neighbour’s kid! Whatever your bloody name is - come get dinner!”
The Federal Government has now launched a Royal Commission into “Systemic Parental Misnaming,” with Prime Minister Anthony Albanese declaring the crisis “a threat to national identity.”
“Every day across this country, children are being called by the wrong name,” Albo told reporters. “Sometimes it’s a sibling, sometimes it’s the dog, and in one tragic case in Perth, a child was accidentally referred to as ‘Gary from Accounting.’ This must stop.”
Despite the outrage, Mum remains unmoved. “Honestly, they should come with name tags.”
Experts predict a Royal Commission will run for at least four years, cost taxpayers $112 million, and ultimately conclude with the recommendation that all mums legally refer to their children as “Oi, you.”
