In an inspiring moment for violent little shits everywhere, That Little C*** who viciously stomped a security guard at Bendigo Marketplace has pleaded guilty and will be lovingly cradled by the Victorian justice system like a colicky baby.
Legal experts are calling a groundbreaking new form of rehabilitation known as “hoping for the best.”
Despite kicking a man in the head, tearing off his turban, and throwing punches at bystanders like he was speed-running a UFC game on PS5, That Little C*** has been handed a taxpayer-funded gratitude journal.
Marketplace staff say they feel abandoned, with one worker admitting they now carry a Maglite.
Meanwhile, That Little C*** is reportedly bragging to mates that the magistrate “didn’t even yell at me.”
Premier Jacinta from Bendigo told The Bendigo Standard, “He's 17. His brain’s not fully developed. He probably thought the man’s skull was a beanbag. Let’s not be dramatic. What more do people want? Accountability?”
Justice served.
