Confused locals were left squinting along High Street this week, struggling to determine whether a neon-lit window belonged to another massage parlour or if someone in the area decided to jump the gun on Christmas.
“Massage parlours and Christmas displays both rely on heavy use of Christmas lights”, said Deakin University researcher Dr. Fiona Kite. “Frankly, I can't tell if it's naughty or nice."
“I can’t tell if they were celebrating a $50 foot rub or the birth of Christ,” said local resident Janice McKay, shielding her eyes from the pulsating strobe display. “Either way, I felt dirty for looking at it too long.”
“I can’t tell if it's a silhouette of a reindeer or someone on all fours,” said Gary Fenton from Kangaroo Flat, who slowed his car to a crawl while passing the building. “Either way, there was definitely a red light blinking in the window."
Locals remain divided on the issue. Some insist the establishment is clearly a business offering “therapeutic services.” Others are adamant it’s just someone very enthusiastic about tinsel in September.
“Both feature glowing signs, questionable window coverings, and the vague promise of joy,” explained neighbour, Mrs Samson.
“We can’t go around fining people for putting up fairy lights”, said council spokesperson Craig Coggins. “But we also don’t want children accidentally wandering into a place that smells of Deep Heat and massage oil.”
At press time, locals were further baffled after spotting a sign in the window that read, “Gift vouchers available.”
