In a move family members described as “very concerning but also very Dad,” local man Darren McKinnon reportedly won a meat tray Friday night and immediately announced the assorted snags, chops and mystery mince were now his son.
Witnesses said McKinnon cradled the tray like a newborn, whispering, “I’ve never been prouder.”
His actual children, ages 7 and 10, were not surprised, noting their father has “always favoured protein.”
McKinnon has already created a family group chat for the meat tray, started giving it pocket money and reserved it a seat at Christmas lunch.
Sources confirmed the tray, weighing 10 pounds, 14 ounces, remains the most emotionally stable member of the household.
