In a groundbreaking step for public safety, the Bendigo Council has unveiled a new early warning system at Lake Weeroona, advising parents to “watch the ducks” as a measure of how close their children are to being attacked by ducks.
The signs, which feature an image of a mallard baring its teeth like a 5-year-old in a dental van, will replace the outdated “Please Don’t Feed The Birds” plaques that locals have ignored since the 1980s.
Council spokesperson Diane Fridge said the change came after years of complaints from parents whose toddlers had been emotionally broken by the lake’s waterfowl.
“Ducks are basically nature’s barometer,” Ms Fridge explained. “If they’re calm, your kids can run free. If they start hissing and flapping, it’s already too late. Get the stroller and pray for dear life.”
“I lost a sausage roll and half my dignity to those pricks,” said Craig Dungbury, Strath father of three. “If there’d been a warning, maybe I wouldn’t have let my son try to pat one. Now he flinches every time he sees a loaf of bread.”
One local told The Bendigo Standard they saw one duck wearing a tiny crown.
“This lake is ours,” said Reginald the mallard while trying to de-nug a four-year-old's Happy Meal. “Stay off the grass - or else.”
Plucka Duck could not be reached for comment.
