A local duck at Lake Weeroona “could absolutely eat the shit out of some bread right now,” according to eyewitnesses who described the bird as “strutting around like Biff Tannen from Back to the Future.”
The duck was seen pacing aggressively near the playground, eyeing passersby with the intensity of a seagull targeting a hot chip.
“It was laser-focused,” said crossfitter Sharon Chewy, who said the duck followed her for about 40 meters. “I didn’t even have any bread, but I still apologised. That duck knows what it’s doing.”
Witnesses reported that the mallard showed classic signs of carb desperation, including puffing its chest, continuously quacking and running toward picnic tables.
Despite signs advising visitors not to feed wildlife, the duck reportedly maintains a diet of “whatever idiots drop on the ground,” including bread, chips, the occasional nugget and, according to urban legend, half a meat pie.
At press time, the duck was last seen circling a picnic rug.
