In what treasury officials are calling “an unprecedented fiscal turnaround,” Jacinta from Bendigo announced a surprise state budget surplus, thanks to the discovery of $2.60 in loose change between the parliamentary couch cushions.
The Premier triumphantly held two $1 coins, a 50-cent piece, and a suspiciously sticky 10-cent coin still attached to a Mentos wrapper.
“I was just reaching down for what I thought was a TV remote, and boom, there it was,” said Jacinta.
“This is what strong leadership looks like,” she told cameras at a press conference, standing beside a whiteboard reading “Surplus = Coins – Snacks.”
“This changes everything,” said Treasurer Jaclyn Symes, and immediately allocated the $2.60 towards fixing the pothole outside her house.
Public response has been mixed.
“I reckon good on her,” said Darren Broome-handle outside Flinders Street Station. “I’ve been finding spare change in couches for years, and no one’s ever called me fiscally responsible.”
When asked if she had plans to check the rest of Parliament’s soft furnishings for loose change, Jacinta nodded and produced a metal detector.
“Be right back, going to St Kilda Beach.”
More to come.
