A Father's Day has descended into chaos after family patriarch, Craig Walters, publicly admitted that his pit bull, Cupcake, was in fact his favourite child.
The confession reportedly came after a poorly timed question from his eldest son, Jason, who asked if his old man "had a favourite child."
"Of course I do, don't I, girl?" Craig asked Cupcake while scratching her behind the ears. "It's this girl right here. Cupcake doesn't talk back and doesn't spend half her bloody paycheck on vape juice. Do you, girl?"
Craig insisted Cupcake had earned it fair and square, citing her ability to fetch the paper, guard the house, and not crash the family Corolla.
Witnesses say Jason's sister, Emily, dropped her phone in shock, while their mother, Karen, muttered something about always knowing it deep down.
Sources confirm that Craig had hinted for months after crafting a tiny bow tie for Cupcake and buying dog-sized thongs from Kmart.
"She never once asked me for money," Craig said, glaring at Jason. "And when I get home from work, she actually looks happy to see me. Can't say that about you lot."
Tensions escalated further when Craig attempted to make a toast "to Cupcake, the only kid who gives a shit about me."
At press time, Cupcake was last seen licking grease off the BBQ plate while Craig proudly declared, "That's my pretty girl."
