The Faith Leech Aquatic Centre has appointed Quackers McHonk as the new Duck Liaison Officer (DLO) to stop fellow birds from leaving their leavings at, and in the pool.
Lifeguards have long struggled with what they describe as “part rescue, part swimming lesson, and half poop dodgeball” during daily shifts.
“We’re aiming for peaceful coexistence where humans swim, ducks waddle, and no one’s breakfast ends up in Lane 4,” Quackers said.
Parents and swimmers are cautiously optimistic. White Hills resident Denim Jeans-West said, “If Quackers can get ducks to stop defecating near my kids, I’ll throw him a medal… or at least a loaf of Tip Top.”
Ducks appear less cooperative. One senior mallard, representing the flock, staged a swirl-and-splash protest during negotiations.
Council officials said mass culling or relocation is not feasible. “It would require logistics we don’t have. Plus, the ducks have lawyers that bill by the hour,” a spokesperson said.
