Witnesses say the Prince of Peace appeared quietly in the corner of a suburban lounge room on Sunday afternoon after the family prayed for his presence. His usually serene glow dimmed slightly as “MMMBop (Christmas Remix)” blasted through a Bluetooth speaker “like an overcaffeinated choir of frosted-tipped angels,” according to those present.
“He didn’t smite anyone or anything,” said local mother Leanne Dugan, who hosted the barbecue. “But he did that inhale-through-the-nose thing people do when they’re trying really hard not to be rude.”
According to the Dugans, the Son of God sat politely through the entire four-and-a-half-hour Hanson-heavy Spotify playlist, titled “Snowed In & Absolutely Nowhere Else,” before gently suggesting that “other artists have also released Christmas songs in the last two thousand years.”
“He wasn’t angry,” said Brad. “Just disappointed. You know that look your dad uses when you tell him you want to become a professional gamer?”
Several witnesses said Jesus attempted to subtly broaden the music selection, hinting that classics from Mariah Carey, Bing Crosby or even Michael Bublé “wouldn’t go astray.”
“But we genuinely thought he liked Hanson,” Leanne said. “You just assume the guy who forgives everyone would forgive an all-Hanson playlist.”
Family members reported that the Messiah’s expression finally cracked during the 14th consecutive play of “Where’s the Love (Christmas Edition),” when he allegedly muttered, “It’s not even a Christmas song,” before asking if anyone had “Silent Night.”
The Saviour of Humankind departed shortly after dessert, thanking the hosts for the prawns and quietly encouraging them to expand their music tastes.
In a brief statement, Hanson said they were “honoured Jesus listened to our music, even if it wasn’t exactly the religious experience he hoped for.”
As of press time, the Dugans have updated their 2025 Christmas playlist to include three Mariah Carey songs, two Michael Bublé tracks and a strict limit of one Hanson song per hour.
